Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

Light travels faster than sound... this is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

When you go into court......you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

He who laughs last...thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable......except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword......get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof......to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right......there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end....someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them...five or six at a time....on a hill...in the fog.

If the shoe fits......get another one just like it.

The things that come to those who wait......will be the things left by those who got there first.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Don't sweat the petty things......don't pet the sweaty things.

Atheism is a 'non-prophet' organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes....why do we still have monkeys and apes?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman...."Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me...it would defeat the purpose.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

If a deaf person swears...does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself...is it considered a hostage situation?

Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all'?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued......can they 'garnish' his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a 'walk'?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell......is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime...do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists....they don't talk about other people.

Does the Little Mermaid wear an 'algebra'?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns....do the rest drown, too?

If you ate both pasta and antipasto....would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail...and succeed....which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 'S' in it?

Why is it called 'tourist season' if we can't shoot at them?

Why is there an expiration date on 'sour cream'?

Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?